Medusa, she really ain’t no monster !!


Gorgon / Medusa figure, on a pot from the Aegean Island of Melos (4). CA. 1500 BCE. British Museum , London . ( Gimbutus 1989, p. 208, fig. 328) (3)

 The Perseus story was invented to account for the appearance of Medusa’s face on Athene’s Aegis (1), inherited from the pre-Hellenic period when Athene was actually the same Goddess (also mythologized as Metis, her alleged “mother”). The Athenians pretended their municipal Goddess was the “wisdom” of Zeus, born from the head. But older myths said Athene was born of the Tree Queens of Libya-that is , the Trippe Goddess, of who Metis-Medusa was the Destroyer aspect. A female face surrounded by serpent-hair was an ancient, widely recognized symbol of divine female wisdom , and equally of the “wise blood” that supposedly gave women divine powers. (2)

It amazed me how it does not take much digging to find the roots of things. Like how often christianity or our patriarchical cultures cover over many beautiful myths and stories. I reach deep for these truths within and without, and all is amplified as a gift..being a Gorgon monster is ok by me…I am in my element ! Looks like I can do with a new tatoo?? Metamorphosis monster !!


(2) Barbara G. Walker, The Women’s Encyclopedia of Myths And Secrects

(3) Winifred Milius Lubell, The Metamorphosis of Baubo



Don’t ya love when forgotten smells and feelings unite from youth! I mean the good ones like rain, earth, eucalyptus trees, pepper trees! The deep secret crevices where grey clouds mock youthful pleasures! Now is the time !! The youthful gates of being lost in playing with and in the earth! Grateful for the memory of the hill, and the valley. Where the land meets the sky… Falling into the sky and the place if only this brief twilight time!! 

Noticing women

“(During a trial in which she was accused of indecency on stage) Judge: ‘Miss West, are you trying to show contempt for this court?’ Mae West: ‘On the contrary, your Honor, I was doin’ my best to conceal it.’ ”~ Mae West quotes

Noticing women my age and what they are doing as I am doing !

While waiting at a stop sign on Topanga Blvd. I saw a woman washing indoor windows! She sprayed solution and rubbed it down, a dark-haired woman with well-formed forearms and muscles extending to her shoulders! I thought,
” she is buff! I wonder how a woman her age, who works at a hot dog hamburger joint, was looking so healthy !”
Next while driving I saw a lady in black! She had long white-blond hair and stylized boots which buckled as she walked. She arranged her black leather purse as she pushed the button to walk!
Also on Platt St. I was making a right hand turn into a shopping center. I found myself waiting for a petit lady to walk by in her blue jogging/ walking suit! She jogged gracefully before my truck… joy in every step of youthful charm! We waved a’ hello” as she passed!

Older women doing their thing at 8:30 AM on a Thursday like any other day!!

It is an unusual feeling to be on an internally rewarding world of computer. So often we are continually remembered in our youthful days. For me it is the continuous projection of people who have died. Sid Vicious, Darby Crash, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin. Music created by a time of their greatest genius; ages 17 to 27. The continuous story of their originality … now witnessed by the aged…those who have survived! That is ok for those that are dead. For me personally living in the now of doing, is my preferred place to be …thankyou!!  I still listen to the whispers of the dead, and the ancient archetypes of the mystic, but it is nice to be happily here in my older womanly body !! I am working on the buff thing, yet my ‘ancient aliens genetically altered genes’ have given me, or projected through me, an Earth Mother of Lauseel (25,000 B.C.E. ) body shape.


Hudley At 57….


Two Dresses

Two dreams I had last week were very similar. They both were set in an environment of celebration. Everything was vague. I knew the people but they were also unrecognizable. A thread I pulled from both dreams that I remember clearly focused on dresses made just for me.

The First dream there was a green 1940s backless dress.  I looked at it closely as I hung it in my closet. I felt beautiful. It fit me (3)

In the next dream the second dress was from the 1800s. I stood and molded while a woman fitted me. It was a beautiful peach blossom color with a subtle glow of orange. I felt delighted, feminine and filled with wonder over such a lovely dress.


A Mystery…us little worms !


O Rose thou art sick. The invisible worm, That flies in the night In the howling storm: Has found out thy bed Of crimson joy: And his dark secret love Does thy life destroy. ~William Blake

I did not take becoming a mom lightly. Growing up in the 1970’s, sex was rampant, provocative with secrets and had plan parenthood. During the 1980s I was too wild to have children and ended up leaving a music scene in order to find a place where I eventually could.

The world my kids are growing up in is now so diverse. Gangs, sex and racism is something they handle with goodness and insight that amazes me. They have come into a technological world that is self-motivating and profoundly enriching. Not to say that technology is perfect because it can be addictive and time-consuming .  I find it better than sitting around a circle smoking pot and listening to the same vinyl records over and over again… like the guys I grew up with!

Two things happened today that made me sick to my stomach. The first was finding out that a club on Facebook that looked very inviting, and cute, shamefully turned out to be an exclusive club for colored women. The second thing that happened  was a woman rewarding other women for not being mothers. Time to think !!

I don’t know why a young colored woman would want to put a tattoo on herself supporting a club that is racist against white woman, and I don’t know why a woman from my own generation would sarcastically humiliate other women for making the decision to have a child.

When I was a 19-year-old punker I wanted to be sterilized so I could not have children. Considering over population, my own sexual abuse experiences, and the need to control my own body;  made me aspire to this. Time to think !

Two abortions, three miscarriages and two baby boys later I am grateful that I decided to have children. It is my body and the opportunity to bring children into this world has been my greatest gift.

I have come to the profound conclusion that life is a mystery. I know that this mystery must know a great deal more of what is going on than we do… us little worms !

May the best man win!!


Dancing John Boxing or is he dancing?

The Wild Card in Hollywood is  not far from Sunset. Here is where Freddie Roaches’ Gym is located. Dancing John use to work out there. For “five buck” he got a hell of a work out. Then he started taking our oldest son.

Being a power trainer of Manny Pacquiao does not blow up Freddie’s head. I think it is rare to find true integrity like Freddie’s… in Hollywood especially! A nice guy with a low-key gym!!

I had a great conversation while shopping at Good & Final in Canoga Park this morning. I thought the place was going to be crowed before the fight. It wasn’t.  The check-out lady started to talk about boxing. She was a 5 feet tall. Looking up at me with her dark hair and dark sparkling eyes she said,

“So who do you think is going to win? Pacquio or Mayweather?”

“I think Mayweather is going to win but I prefer it were Pacquio!!”

Yesterday, at Middle-School, youngest son told me that the kids at school are already making 5 dollar bets.

I think the whole media title-wave sickness focused on this event in “Lost Vegas” is fucking decadent. Like too much chocolate cake or fried chicken with beer. Yet… it is a good decadent. This boxing event is bringing people together from all walks of life. Yes we are going to watch it at home.

May the best man win!!

green-gold olives

May’s eve I take my broom

Last ray of sun is dead

Here … it is real…

The shy clouds hide stars

Only the Moon, Jupiter and Saturn

Shine their breastplates

Of radiant light…

images (1)

I take my broom to the front of our home

Into the dust pan goes dry brown and yellow

Pointy olive leaves and hard green-gold olives…

Into the waste bin…away away

Goes all the thoughts of this day

Of a wooing crone…

Looking around as I sweep and bend

For any Fay to show their haunting ways

In the clouds sailing on the night or

Upon the grasping arms of the olive tree

Queen of Elphame mocks me

As I move quickly and consistently

I call her Sabrina…

How symbolic have I become?

Wild movement…yet strangely calm

Sweet sweat dripping

My dusty perfume…

I do as many an old crone

Sweeping clean the front of their home

On the eve of May.

A Prayer of balance


A cathedral is an archetype of the spirit and or a prayer. A labyrinth takes one on a journey subjectively and intones one on the matters of becoming balanced and whole. Balancing the Neocortex with the Limbic system of our brain.

As the Egyptians put the Bennu Bird on the Scarab Beetle showing this balance in a ritualistic symbol.

Khepri Scarab God with Total Solar Eclipse Eye of God Animation

sneaking suspicion… somethings in the air…

images (11)

Colin Abrahall

 What a wicked web we weave /When governments deceive/And I wanna believe……/I gotta believe/Conspiracy theory abound/But the truth is under ground,/I wanna believe I wanna believe/I gotta believe ` GBH

I have a sneaking suspicion and I believe that Colin Abrahall wrote the lyrics to the song “I Want To Believe!” I woke up with it on my mind. Also those “X-Files” feelings got my pineal gland stimulated again. Something is in the air. I can always feel it when Chris Carter is creating by way of the vast unconscious collective of writers. Believe me I just know. Before big hair  Giorgio A. Tsoukalos there was the great big hairdos of GBH!! See how it all comes together here. I am pulling the threads tighter too.


Original Poster to X-Files film I Want To Believe

Scully: Mulder, since we’ve been here you’ve acted as if you’ve expected to find every piece of evidence that we’ve come across. What aren’t you telling me? Why are we here?
Mulder: A true piece of history, Scully. The very first X-File. Initiated by J. Edgar Hoover himself in 1946. ‘ X-Files

When the X-Files film I Want To Believe came out in 2008 I was thrilled. You have to know that I was a hardcore fan of the 1990s X-Files series throughout the 90s; besides nursing the babe I looked froward to Unsolved Mysteries and then the X-Files on Friday nights.

“We are made of stardust, our whole body consists of material that has been here before the beginning of time.” ‘Giorgio A. Tsoukalos

Now before the 2008 release of the I want to Believe film we listened to the Ha Ha CD in our car. GBH’s song I Want To Believe, was to me, the perfect new addition to the this film. I put so much anticipation into the song and the film I thought for sure that Mr. Carter would use the song in his film. I was sad when the two songs only came together in my mystical place of belief… but I was projecting it real hard onto the movie screen … believe me!!

What does all of this mean… it means something and in time I may understand…. but for now…


@@@ until next time..

“The Electromagnetic Hypothesis of Olfaction” at the Society for Scientific Exploration conclude that insects use a portion of the EM spectrum to communicate.”  ‘Pg 207 Lost Star of Myth and Time by Walter Cruttenden


Lost Star By Walter Cruttenden


Lost Star Of Myth and Time


Folklore, science, mythology, art, religion, archaeology, mathematics…it goes on and on in a our cyclical history. Starting with a Golden Age to the Dark Ages and to the present ascending age. This book holds a powerhouse of information and research with a holding theory that we live in a binary solar system. Yes incredulous and far-reaching as it sounds it is a book that needs to be read. Part of my ongoing search for the meaning of life !!