A note: This post is a personal story and is what some may call black humor… and ironical …
” For knowing that someone in this life,
Loves with a passion called hate
And what you give is what you get.”
Start ~ The Jam
“You live in a town all your life, and you get to know every bitch on the street corner and half of them you have already messed around with. You’ve got the layout of the whole land. You have a picture of where you are…. Since I was raised in L.A., I’ve always had the geographical and spiritual feeling of being here. I’ve had time to learn this city. I can’t see any other place than L.A.” Charles Brocowski
I don’t understand why people idolize Charles Brocowski. You were married to a man like him and have a son like him: Mean drunks. I wish from the bottom of my heart that you would have left him when you were alive. I wish that you would have not been there for you oldest son. Both dad and your oldest son are two of the most emotionally abusive individuals I have ever had to endure in my life. I hate them. I am sad you are gone but I am overjoyed that you were brave enough to have left them first. After seeing your deathly pain, my heart was so relieved when you left this earthly plane. I wish you would have left before you died, when I was a girl of ten or twelve. Then we could have depended more on each other…spent more time together. You always set conditions for our time together.
“Let’s see what your father thinks”
“Mom, you can do that without him.” I would say.
You were worried that if you did something without him that he would run off with a woman … but it was booze that he ran off with, Mon. That was one thing that was consistent in my life with him.
I forgive you mom for taking the path of least resistance. You put up with the abusive behavior but so did I and I hated it. I hate men who cannot handle their liquor. They are weak and stupid like Charles Brocowski . Some men drink and have a good time. Some men are not abusive like dad and my oldest brother.
I wish you would have left them before. We could have gone to Washington State to live with your relatives. That would have been so much better than Los Angeles.
Mom, I hope, now that dad is dead too, that you can share a synchronicity with me,
“MOM is he accountable for his abusive ways?”
“I hope so…. I hope the cenobites have him!!”